Polyamorous

In the first chapter of his new Cosmopolitan column, Navigating Non-Monogamy, Zachary Zane unpacks the start of his polyamorous life and the mistakes he ...

[directly express your wants and needs](https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a30677343/how-to-talk-about-sex-with-partner/) to your romantic interests. [after my breakup](https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a28554493/no-contact-rule/), I wanted to be a raging slut. You want romantic and/or sexual relationships with your friends to be allowed—even encouraged—by your primary partner. For a year, Connor and I were madly in love, and I relished our honesty, vulnerability, and how open we both were to receiving tough love from one another. (By then, he and his girlfriend had broken up and she’d moved out.) I went from actively avoiding commitment, romance, and love, to being in a polyamorous relationship that included all that and more. Connor introduced me to his boyfriend and told me he also had a wife and a girlfriend—and that he lived with both of them. As someone with a more avoidant attachment style, that felt “safe”—like I could enjoy my time with him for what it was without stepping on the [polyamorous](https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a39563845/polygamy-vs-polyamory/) (open to the idea of loving multiple people and having multiple romantic relationships simultaneously), they always have questions. Still, I accepted every offer to hang out with Connor and his partners. The last thing on my mind was getting into another emotional, committed relationship, so I [hit the apps hard](https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a33626157/best-polyamorous-dating-apps/). And even though I wish I could tell you I knew exactly what I was getting into, and that it was a thoughtful, intentional choice, that’s…not what happened. Polyamory can be a lot of things—fun, explorative, invigorating—but I also want this column to shed light on all the things that it isn’t.